**Forewarning: This is not a happy posting. But this is something that I need to say and write to those that I know and love--not only to share something about myself, but to warn others of circumstances that I have experienced. I say this with love, catharsis, therapy...whatever you want to call it. Since I know so few people read this anyway, I hope that those of you who choose to read this will read this with love and discretion as you see fit. At times, I have been ambiguous on purpose. I know the Internet is public and I would never want to say anything that would jeopardize the defendant's maximum sentence possible. He deserves it, in my opinion.**
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As little, innocent girls, our wedding is a pivotal point in our life, where we think that things will change and fall into place; no wrong can come after Prince Charming’s kiss. Yet, two years ago came a more pivotal point in my life then I could have ever imagined.
Around this time in 2009, I had just returned from a fabulous weekend with one of my best friends, running my first half marathon and feeling on top of the world. A small marital tiff led me to sit, singing to the radio to smooth my nerves, when a man approached my car claiming to be something he wasn’t. I do not wish to go into details about how I was so foolish to allow things to get to the point they were. I tried to be safe. I did everything I was told to do in women’s defense classes.
When he had forced his way into the car, I had asked him to please, please let me onto the sidewalk and he could take the car or whatever he wanted. I tried to do everything right, yet once a gun was pointed in my face, less than a foot away, I finally heeded his commands, in order to hopefully save my life, and just shut up.
He had the nerve to ask me conversational questions—“What is your name?” (I lied the best I could in the moment.) “Are you married?” (As if that makes any difference to you.) “Do you have any kids?” (What sort of person does this?)
Sparing the gory details, I was taken somewhere else and some pretty not-so-great things happened. I was returned near my home, dropped off in the middle of the road, and told not to move for some time. Sobbing, I called my husband as covertly as possible, where he failed to heed my request to take no action (per threats from the assailant). He stormed outside looking for everything and anything. My hero saw something just “off”. Nothing incriminating. Nothing obvious. But something that he mentioned to the police. Within 12 hours, the very person that my hero--my husband--saw was the terrible individual…who lived nearer to me than I could have imagined. I’d never seen him before in my life.
I have been fighting for years to figure out how this screwed up legal system works. I still have no answers and am more disillusioned than ever. Fortunately, my case was heard and I was able to be relocated to my current town of residence. However, sadly and fortunately (the double-edged sword), the horrible animal struck again and was caught because of one very strong woman’s actions. I know in my heart (and statistically) that this demon of a person has traumatized many more people during these two years (and likely in the period before my assault...). I am so thankful, grateful, proud, and inexpressibly sad for the beautiful woman who had to endure what she did.
Yet without her, my charges would have never been heard as they should be.
Without my charges against him, her charges and trial might have faced a similar progression as mine did.
Together, we have validation. Together, we can be living proof for all the atrocities that took place in between, for those without the means to come forward and be spoken for. We share the same M.O. in our cases; the same pain; and for that, I am sorry for her. But she has been strong. She fought back in ways I was unable to. I just want to give her a hug and shed a few simultaneous tears.
I am grateful that this serial individual is now behind bars (after years of paranoia and pain) until further notice. I have good reports that he should be there for a very long time. I have been begging and pleading to God, when I thought my case was hopeless, that he would at least let him have his consequences after death. This person continued to live an atrocious life, attacking who knows how many people over these years, and I feel such relief that he is now out of society, unable to hurt any more women who never asked for, nor deserved such pain.
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I know this is not uplifting, but I know that for the rest of my life I will do everything I can to support those in similar situations. To those who have not, thankfully, ever experienced something like this, be grateful and adamant. Keep your guards up always. You are loved by those around you, by that which surrounds you , and by that Above. My prayers go out to those women who has been victimized by this person, yet who have not been able to come forward. To those who have had similar experiences by a different assailant, it is NEVER okay to be treated this way and don't be scared to tell someone. In my case, in YEARS, only two people have been able to peg this person for his crimes (myself and a victim years later). I thought I lost. I thought it was a waste. I almost gave up. Don't stop. Even if you don't feel vindicated, you may lay the groundwork for someone else. These people don't do this just once. It only gets worse. Be strong. -xoxoxo
