Friendship

I've been reflecting recently upon what it means to be a good friend. Perhaps this is because I feel a little jilted in that avenue, myself. But, truthfully, the older I get...I realize how important it is to have good girlfriends. It doesn't matter if family, non-family, strangers. I want to be the sort of person that (even as a stranger in the mall) I'm going to be that person who empathizes, relates, or just simply smiles, hopefully to remind people that some people are, in fact, nice.

I was so very blessed at one point to have a couple of great girlfriends, but I must have messed something up. I'm not sure. Friendships are like dating, but more awkward. When dating, that awkwardness can come in the form of a strange touch or ... something. But with girlfriends, how do you tell them how much you love them and value them without it just being weird? How do you tell them how sorry you are and how much you miss them?

I just miss my girls right now...the girls who forced me into their arms and made me just break down in tears with them, even though I've never been a touchy-feely, sharing sort of person. I'll never forget that "tough love." They basically hugged me to death. I'd never had that. It was so awkward, so uncomfortable. But deep down, they knew and I knew I needed it.

I hope our estrangement isn't permanent. I probably need them more than they need me, but oh well... all of this to say, I really hope that those sorts of relationships play a greater role in my life.

I wasn't at the place I needed to be when they were around, yet now, I think these bonds are nearly as important as those familial. No matter what happens, I have such gratitude towards them for the lessons the taught me. The sweet cards and notes that they wrote to me, that I didn't even realize that people did! The scrapbook they made of our college photos. Sliding down the golf course hill on lunchroom trays. Her *hee hahs* rolling down the hill---so out of character for a girl so prim and proper.

I hope these girls will come back, but if they don't, I hope that I can cross paths with new people, with whom I can share the silliness, laughter, and tears that I did with the two best girls I've ever known. I will be a better friend from here on out. I miss them.